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The Silent I Know

by Elizabeth Bruce

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KoH
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KoH Somewhat inacessible upon first hearing, this album grows on you. The more you listen to these songs, the better they get. Favorite track: Lion Tamer.
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1.
Brothers, take up your wands: This is a call to arms Sisters, take up your brooms: This is a call to arms I spin, I weave, I cast this song That you might respond Brothers, take up your wands: This is a call to arms Sisters, take up your brooms: This is a call to arms After much hand‐waving and incantation I feel good Am I but a vessel, nothing more? Well, vessels sustain and transform
2.
Lift the shroud, let me join your crowd, Lead the way, I am not afraid Beyond the veil, I see light, Beyond the veil — Gatekeeper, step aside! Lift the shroud, let me join your crowd, Lead the way, I am not afraid For I have held both life and death inside, I've held both death and life, Lift the shroud, let me join your crowd, Lead the way, I am not afraid
3.
Yeah, we both know, There's one thing on your mind And it's not kittens or sunshine: It's the silent, “I know, but I want it so.” There is a cavern within me, The size of a pear: Will you venture there? For I am bold, like a whore I long to push forth, To hear that primal cry Will you venture there?
4.
Our Spawn 04:33
My Lady, the answer is Yes... If you submit to my will, Lie on your back, Lady While I bind your wrists, This won't hurt a bit And our spawn will do just fine, Out there in the world It's not fair in the world, But our spawn will do just fine Behold the maids, That walk the night and fear, Through the streets they traipse, They picture their own rapes But their spawn will do just fine, Out there in the world, It's not fair in the world, But their spawn will do just fine, And your spawn will do just fine, Out there in the world, It's not fair in the world, But your spawn will do just fine
5.
How did you become who you are today? I just became in this very moment I'm just a story, a collection of memories, And when they are gone, I will be too Not so long ago, the world revolved around you, Then someone else came along, you are the eldest one But it's OK, we'll re‐create, we'll re‐create, It's OK to forget, I guess You are a story, it's easy to tell, You learned it on your papa's knee And as you go along your merry way, The tale grows taller than a tree Not so long ago, the world revolved around you, Then someone else came along, you are the eldest one But it's OK, we'll re‐create, we'll re‐create, It's OK to forget, I guess How did you become who you are today? How did you become who you are today? How did you become who you are today, how did you become? I just became in this very moment, I just became again
6.
If we can find time for ourselves Then we can find the answer to life We can find god In our hearts Well the time has come Though you weren't expecting it yet You thought I would follow the rules Strictly Strictly Speaking I could take you down Strictly Speaking I could ravish you right now It's only a possibility Maybe not the one for me If we can make peace with ourselves Then we can find the meaning of life We can find god In our pants Well the time has come again Though you weren't expecting it yet You thought I would follow the rules Strictly Strictly Speaking ...
7.
I get you to admit You mauled the janitor's groin In the heat of hatred He was a geezer A pharmaceutical success story Well I won't say anything about his mother The no‐good son‐of‐a— He deserves a nosebleed sandwich Which I'll prepare lovingly Apron donned, Things could get messy And red is not my colour Viagra keeps him up But together we can keep him down The rising count of victories For bitches vs. scum For bitches vs. scum
8.
Bastard 03:36
Remember when I said you were a nice guy? I take it back, it was all an act In my estrogen‐fuelled complacency I accept, I accept, I accept, You're a bastard, and you lied, But I don't mind, I don't mind, You're a bastard and you lied, But so did I, so did I I can give as good as you do, But how much can you take? Just because you can doesn't mean you should, There must be better things to do with your time, You're a bastard, and you lied, But I don't mind, I don't mind, You're a bastard and you lied, But so did I, so did I When you have, you squander And when you don't you beg, You begged me not to write this song, But you deserve what you get, You're a bastard, and you lied, But I don't mind, I don't mind, You're a bastard and you lied, But so did I, so did I
9.
Sitting here at the pharmacie, Whiling the hours with my tisane, Waiting, hoping, Aching for you to notice me, But I barely exist in your mind, And why should I? Yeah, I barely exist, In your mind, only the shell commands attention, The scrollwork borders and silhouettes of birds I know the dress code and the haunts, But I'll always be peculiar, I shan't pander, Take it or leave it, as you will, I know I barely exist in your mind, And why should I? Yeah, I barely exist, In your mind, only the shell commands attention, The scrollwork borders and silhouettes of birds
10.
I can measure my life In cycles of blood and lust, I can measure my life In cycles of blood and lust And loves lost I'm sure it's not healthy To be nostalgic already Maybe I simply see what is to come I can measure my life In phases of love and hate, I can measure my life In phases of love and hate And twists of fate I'm sure it's not healthy To be nostalgic already Maybe I simply see what is to come
11.
Lion Tamer 03:20
I don't exist to make you feel fine about what you did to me I'm living proof that children are resilient, But it still feels sore Lion tamer, tame me, Take my rage away, I volunteer Lion tamer, tame me, Take my anger and fear I am calm and unafraid because I'm sure I know the way And I know that you know you're in the wrong, So let's move on Lion tamer, tame me, Take this rage away, I volunteer Lion tamer, tame me, Take my anger and fear The olive branch, the turned cheek, I come in peace, I want to heal The olive branch, the turned cheek, I speak peace, I want to heal The olive branch, the turned cheek, I lead with peace, I want to heal Lion tamer, tame me, Take this rage away, I volunteer
12.
Easy Way Out 03:33
To the romance of the far off, We both fell prey, To the romance of the far out, We got caught up in the glamour of the fae, It pulled us in, we couldn't pull away, But I caught myself again, taking the easy way out, I caught myself again, but I could not see the way out, I found myself again taking the easy way out, I found myself again, but I could not find a way out, It's a trap! It's a cult! I understand, It's a trap! It's a cult! I understand you want to be a god, But that's a lot of work you know, You made me feel like I'm one of the chosen few to get it, Yeah, I get it, it's a trap! It's a cult! And I'm trapped! But I caught myself again, taking the easy way out, I caught myself again, but I could not see the way out, I found myself again taking the easy way out, I found myself again, I found myself in the strangest way, I found myself in the strangest place, I found myself in the strangest way, I found myself upside down...
13.
Ready or Not 03:20
Well the cobbler said, "Don't bother," So I bought myself some nice new boots Made of shiny, shiny leather, Shiny, shiny leather, Shiny, shiny leather, Shiny, shiny leather, And I photographed myself wearing them With a pumpkin in between my legs Like some goddess of the harvest, Goddess of the harvest, Goddess of the harvest, Goddess of the harvest, Ready or not, here I come, Ready or not, here I come, At the magazine rack in the drugstore There were horoscopes for the year: There was one for every star sign, One for every star sign, One for every star sign, One for every star sign, I picked up a few and leafed through them, And in the long‐range forecast They all said the same thing, They all said the same thing, They all said the same thing, They all said the same thing, Ready or not, here I come, Ready or not, here I come, Well, the gardener down the street Was ridding her lawn of weeds, But the dandy dandelion, Dandy dandelion, Dandy dandelion, Dandy dandelion, Has a cottonball tuft of seeds, And when the wind picks up, They disperse in all directions, Fly in all directions, Fly in all directions, Fly in all directions, Ready or not, here I come, Ready or not, here I come.
14.
Pretty Bird 07:39
What am I to believe when you tell me, Nothing will ever go wrong? What am I to believe when you say that, Nothing will ever go awry? May I rest, pretty bird, In your nest, pretty bird, May I dream of you? May I stay, pretty bird, I n your heart, pretty bird? May you dream of me! How am I gonna kick this addiction, How will I manage on my own? What am I supposed to do without you? What will I turn to next? May I rest, pretty bird, In your nest, pretty bird, May I dream of you? May I stay, pretty bird, In your heart, pretty bird? May you dream of me!
15.
The Mandrake 03:05
A storybook farm, all primary green, If there were such a thing I'm full of fantasy, full of dream, But the harsh reality of what lies underneath... Old trunks and tree stumps, The earth decays, decays, decays, The maggots, the sow bugs, the worms at play, The gnarled roots I pulled, I yanked the mandrake from his home, His scrotum was wrinkled like a walnut shell, Crack it open! Crack it open! But his yell, such a violent yell! It sounded like skeletons fucking On a hot tin roof The wild hart leapt at the sound, And my wild heart leapt too, The wild hart leapt at the sound, And my wild heart leapt too.
16.
You can borrow, you can spend Other people's money Until the cows come home, You can build it up and up and up, But when the weather comes, It's just a bandaid solution, It's just a bandaid solution, Until it falls apart, just like I told you You'll find no sympathy here You left a scar, You can build a cross up on a hill, But when the weather comes, It's just a bandaid solution, It's just a bandaid solution, Until it falls apart, just like I told you I said, I said, Stop striving, You'll find no sympathy here.
17.
We used to walk around, Walk around holding hands, We were paper dolls, Paper dolls on Queen Mary Road, Maybe I'm naïve, But I believe you'll come back to me, That day we walked into the abandoned school room, The sun was muted by the chalk dust in the air, I could have said it then and there, Maybe I'm naïve, But I believe you'll come back to me.
18.
Much to my surprise and delight, You were straddling me, You inched toward my face, And I pulled you up to meet me, I felt the slick rosebud break my lips, My daemon nipped my hand and I lookèd up, Oh, your head was gone, I said, your head was gone, I found a vent in the wall, That I could squeeze through, So I hoisted myself up, Into a small room, I thought the drugs were heavy, But they seemed benign, And somewhwere else, Maybe outside a school, I ran into an old friend, And in her red gingham dress, She made me feel like dirt, Shr made me feel like dirt.
19.
If I made it known to all my friends, Would you come and kiss me then? If I wore my heart upon my sleeve, Would you open up to me? We'll never be erased, We'll never be erased, Yay yo, yay yo If I draw the blinds, Try to hide my light, And I tell myself it's fine, Well I know inside that's just a lie, Gotta hold my banner high, We'll never be erased, We'll never be erased, Yay yo, yay yo
20.
I saw you there, as though you were alive, Like you never really died, And you said, “Why'd you forget about me?” I've got answers to that question, Yes I do, I've got answers to that question, And they are good ones, Let me assure you, You said, “I am more than flesh and blood, More than a mouth to feed, I have a name and a spirit, Would you deny me that?“ I've got answers to that question, Yes I do, I've got answers to that question, And they are good ones, Let me assure you, But I wonder, What am I good for, If not loving you? What am I good for, If not loving you? I've got answers to that question, Yes I do, I've got answers to that question, And they are good ones Let me assure you.
21.
Kindred 04:32
So your daddy was a man unlike mine, Does it make a big difference, In the grand scheme of things? In the grand scheme of things, We are kindred, kindred, When you're walking in a crowd, does it feel, As though nobody else is a real human being? In the grand scheme of things, We are kindred, kindred, When I held you in my arms, I could feel, That our spirits were melding, And the universal mind was mine, Sometimes it feels like I could love Every single one of you, I've got a real big heart, I wanna let it out, I just will

credits

released November 1, 2013

Elizabeth Bruce: Vocals, keyboard, backing vocals, trumpet, words & music
Jason "Ja" Sonier: Bass, flute, hammered dulcimer, percussion & screaming
Mike Yates: Cello
Gillian Kirkland: Accordian
Max Cossette: Banjo
Eric Hortop: Screaming
Vivien Hortop: Baby noises

Recorded and mixed by Jason Sonier
Cello recorded by Mike Yates
Produced by Jason Sonier & Elizabeth Bruce
Mastered by Phillip Victor Bova at Bova Sound

Booklet designed by Eric Hortop
Photography by Darren Holmes
Booklet printed by Katari Imaging
Recorded at GigSpace & at the home studios of Jason Sonier & Mike Yates

Thanks...
to Eric Hortop and to my parents for many hours of childcare
to Ja who did not run screaming
to Marilee Townsend-Alcorn at Gigspace
to Darren Holmes
to Joanna Newsom (who bolts like a horse) for lyrical inspiration on track 3
to Katamari Damacy for melodic inspiration on track 17
to Others, un-named or un-nameable that helped along the way

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Elizabeth Bruce Ottawa, Ontario

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